Idea: “Compare yourself to any main character of any fictional novel you have read. Don’t be a Mary Sue about it. Be realistic.”

K… That would have to be Jonnie Goodboy Tyler from L. Ron Hubbard’s Battlefield Earth.

Now tell us why you relate?

Easy. He was this guy from the country, born of superstitious little villagers, who had no idea the big baddies in the big wide world were really, unimaginable big baddies. He ended up having his entire view of reality worked over backwards when he was held captive by a methane-breathing alien who, ironically, starts the book off by declaring humans are an extinct species.  When all is said and done and Jonnie has lead the remaining humans on  a winning crusade to take back their planet, he makes an attempt to regain his simple, woodland filled days by taking his son on one single hunting trip. But success has other things in mind for Jonnie, and he is never able to make the time to do anything like that again. His battle for earth and the victory was quite absolute.

I know how that feels. I want to go hiking through the woods and stuff, but my pseudo success as an artist and writer leaves me very little time for it.

So, is this a good thing?

Yeah, sure! It means Jonnie won over some pretty freaky odds and humans are survivors for it. And for me it means I won over some pretty freak odds, too. Sometimes, after buying a tank of gas, I can pay a bill! Woo hoo!

Now, of all the fictional books you have read who would you LIKE to be?

That’s a hard one. Tristan from The Sword of Calandra, perhaps. No, wait, he damn nearly gets his hand cut off. Okay then. Um…. Is this the part where I confess my other first crush, Frodo? No? Okay. Thinking….

Okay. I got nothing. But if it helps, I prefer books with the Green World formula that have a realistic take on a normal persona’s screaming “I’m going crazy” reaction to the adventure they’ve been landed into only to discover inner strengths that may or may not have something to do with super powers, as they overcome the proverbial foe. They don’t necessarily have to be the chosen one. Humor is a plus.

Why would you want to be this fictional character?

Because I’ve been there, done that, can relate to it, and even though you think things suck while they’re happening the adventure is sure a damn funny thing to talk about later.

And I have to admit, super powers would be cool. I mean on top of the ones I may or may not already have.

What if you were the bad guy?

I’d have to assume this novel was being written by my ex-. I would have to make a mental note to actually BE the bad guy in this story rather than the pushover everyone talks bad about. After all, a story isn’t very good without the right amount of conflict.

How would your story end?

With super powers. Lots of really cool super powers. Oh, and a full gas tank.

Last question: by contrast, how do you think your real life can compare to the fiction story ending?

Easy. In my humble opinion, everyone has strengths and everyone has super powers. Everyone can be super. And if I wanted to I could go buy a full tank of gas right now.

But I don’t want my story to end just yet, so I’ll let the money sit in my checking account for now. And I’ll keep fighting my battle to become a successful author/artist that doesn’t have to moonlight like most super heroes do on the weekdays. Because there’s always another page to turn. And since I’m the one writing this story, I can write it in a negative light or a positive light. Either way, it’ll be something fun to talk about later.

Your turn.