Total epic craft fail this morning. Man, oh man.

In Jr. High, back when there were still Jr. Highs, my art teacher was Mrs. Bristol. I really liked her. She’s art director or principle or some such now. Good for her. But anyway, there was one thing she complained about early in my first year with her that I never forgot. “Cream puff art.”

Cream puff art, as she explained, was art that wasn’t really art. You took preconceived shapes and made things. You used other people’s ingenuity. In other words, cream puff art is something along the lines of arts and crafts. I think. I mean, it’s been a while.

But anyway. Because of that little lecture, which I can’t even remember the point to nowadays, I became a traditional artist. I learned to paint, to create, to avoid the “Measles” in my compositions, and do basically… stuff. Although I’ve been known to do some “cream puff art” I never really paid attention to the REAL cream puff art. Until now.

Jesus fucking CHRIST but cream puff art is hard. Mrs. Bristol, you’re nuts! It’s not cream puff art. It’s fuck you art, is what it is.

Decoupage is the current bane of my existence. I’ve tried this easy looking bit of cream puff art numerous times so far, and numerous times I’ve managed to ruin the project repeatedly. ¬†For example, yesterday I spent all day along assembling a door sign collage. Sure it was normally the day I spent hanging around the house with the husband, but he was in bed sick and snoring. I was bored. ART!

The project in question is based on the concept of upcycling, which I do like to try to do on occasion. There are people out there who make it their mission to upcycle everything, but in my case I’m lucky to be able to think of how I’m going to upcycle anything. When I do figure something out I get all excited. So excited that I could have been working on The Heavenly Bride. But. But. Upcycling.

I took a tile display board a friend had sent me, cleaned it up, and set to work. I went through my cream puff art folder files. I picked just the right images. I wracked my cream puff mental files for just the right saying. I printed. I managed to get the cameo to cut. I assembled. I glued. And then, the most important step… I coated to protect it from the last step. And let dry overnight.’

This morning I still had a fairly decent looking project, so I took the final plunge. I brought out… the polyurethane.

Do you hear that? The sound off in the distance? Yes, that’s right. It was my project’s death knell.

You can see my good intentions. You can see the offending can of coating. The evil brush that participated in the craft vandalism.
You can see my good intentions. You can see the offending can of coating. The evil brush that participated in the craft vandalism.

Now, I didn’t like the design I had created anyway so it’s not a complete loss. So much as it’s a loss. Let me give you a closeup of part of the damage.


In case you haven’t a clue, like my husband who wanted to know why I was lamenting quietly, if you look around the cut pieces you can see dark splotches. That would be the coating, soaking through all my layers. Ugh.

Well, obviously I’m going to try again. This cream puff art has proven to be a challenge! But it will be a while. I have rules on my work flow. Currently, you see, I’m fulfilling a craft order. This means crafts are “turned on”. When the order is fulfilled, I go back to being a scholar and comic artist again.

Eh. It’s a living. Or it would be, if I got successful at it.