Category: article

Musings

    Spearcarrier

Tomorrow is my daughter’s birthday.

They moved a few years ago – she, her brother, and her father – without giving me the new address. So where I used to send cards every year on either child’s birthday I send nothing. And I have lines now: walls that protect me from being abused through them (and by them) so things have stayed this way for a while now.

This makes me the villain, of course, that I am not going through hell and high-water to hunt them down just to deliver a paltry birthday or Christmas card. Society and the media did that: stripped parents from the right to live well and without harm in these circumstances.

I ask you. Was it okay for the ex to scream obscenities at me over the phone, hang up, and then apologize to my daughter for “losing his temper” at me for not being able to drop everything at his convenience – when I was the one that *should* have been apologized to in front of the child? And now I answer. It was wrong. It was wrong that the children grew up thinking that I was not allowed an ounce of happiness. It was wrong that when I married, the shit figuratively hit the fan and I was treated badly repeatedly as if …. oh hell I’ll say it… as if the other party were infernally jealous that I could move on. It was wrong, the day my daughter was honestly offended that I was smiling in love. It was wrong the times she complained – and I mean outright complained – that my husband dotes on me and worked to give she and I both good lives. It was wrong the lies that were spread. And it was wrong cutting me completely off when I never did anything to invade: I only sent cards on occasions and waited for them to contact me when they felt they could spare me a hello in their busy, busy lives playing video games and whatever else I was told they did all day.

So let me be the villain. Whatever. I also play one in the media, and I like it.

I think of them on their birthdays now but I do nothing to get too close and be treated like mud again. A parent should *never* be treated that way, not when they’re the ones that sacrificed literally everything to do right by them. Never. Ever. I made sure they didn’t treat their father that way. In fact I used to bend over backwards for their relationship with that man.

I deserved the same in return.

I deserve happiness too.

And this is why I am not going through hell and high-water to find them just to deliver a paltry birthday card. Hate me if you like.

But. Happy birthday to them both. And may wisdom open their eyes someday.

P.S. Those not in the know are invited to look into the growing problem of parental estrangement, and how many parents are abusing their own children to further abuse ex’s they can no longer abuse first hand… or worse. Some of the tales are far far worse than mine; quite heart-breaking.

P.P.S. I am living well. This is why villains are so hated by the other side. :-p

I’m awake! I swear….

    Spearcarrier

For the past day, day and a half or so I’ve been trying to learn an Irish accent. Accents are not my forte, really, so this isn’t as easy as it sounds. The husband says my accent sounds good, but I’m more critical about it and would rather keep practicing. And practicing.

The reason why I started on this venture is for a possible audition coming up. The character I have set my eyes on would need an Irish accent. But I t’ink I won’t be-a goin’ if I can’t get t’is accent down, now.

Well, there would be other factors.

Even if I don’t go, I plan to keep working on the accent. It would be nice to add an accent to my voice acting repertoire.

You know, for all that Youtube repressed some of my videos their system has the most annoying habit of suggesting those self-same videos for me to watch. Repeatedly. Are they thinking I’m going to change my mind?

If you don’t know, I’m talking about that 1 star review to the hairdresser I gave and the internet-wide blow up that resulted. I certainly learned some lessons out of that experience, mind you. I learned that being angry when you give a review is not good. Back off, give a calmer review with your thoughts in order, and let the bullies be the ones at fault. Not you.

I learned not to back down just because you’re being bullied by people who don’t like what you have to say. (Apparently being an unhappy customer can be dangerous to people’s feels or something.)

I learned not to care what they have to say to me on the internet, because in the end it doesn’t matter what you do. And lords know I tried to be reasonable through at least 3 videos despite knowing in my heart it was a waste of time. To the internet, you’re already the bad guy and it’s you that’s going to be punished for other people’s actions.

I learned that if people are seriously that threatened regarding a simple one star review, there needs to be more of them. And we need more people in the world brave enough to give them and not back down from it. Bullies should not be allowed to win.

I also learned that people truly don’t believe discrimination happens unless it furthers their agenda. The other matters aside that people have claimed I’m lying about… Yes, hair discrimination is real. Yes, I’m not the only person to experience it. Yes, it’s not a big deal thanks to a free market. (Well, except for when it happened to me in high school and on the job. But I am thankful those days are over, and as my own employer if I choose to be mean to myself over my hair then I also can write a savage memo to myself. Or something.) Also yes, being discriminated against for my hair still gives me the right to give a bad hairdresser a bloody one star review! Or even negative ten. LOL

Regardless of those lessons, though, I do prefer to spend my days balanced and reasonably free of drama. Youtube, dang it! You repressed my videos from searches because you said they were inappropriate or something… and then you shove the drama in my face at least once a day. Back off! Grrr.

Beyond that, the new year has begun with the usual routine. This isn’t bad, because it means the new year isn’t starting off with disaster. I hear there are people in California right now that don’t have it so good due to a massive landslide. I am grateful for what I have this morning, even though this is day five of me trying to sleep at night and failing. I have a house to toss and turn in at the very least!

Work on The Heavenly Bride resumed a few weeks ago. I realize that I didn’t mention it. The Holidays were unusually busy.

But you know what I should like to make right now, and I’ve been yearning to make for a few months now? Another music video. And… an animation.

Well there is a song I’m planning to record soon, if my autoharp will behave. That would be an excuse for a video, although what I’m *wanting* to do is use public domain and someone else’s music.

Sigh. So many things to create. I either need more time or more of me. Or both. I hate having to choose! LOL