The Tale of Three Doggies

Crossposted from my Facebook for hilarity.

Two dogs, one command to shake. Well, three dogs if you count Loki.

Shybear is an asshole. I’ve never seen an #aussie with such a ‘tude. From day one of coming here he has been very reluctant to obey. Tonight for the 2nd night Shybear has been working on the command to shake.

I knew he knew it. He slipped up in the beginning and started to do it, realized he was obeying, and took his paw away. So it became a stand off of a few hours, actually, between him and me where I was making commands and his eyebrows were working in universal dog language for, “I know what you’re saying, and I ain’t doing it bitch.”

Some of that standoff? Him starting to give me a shake and then slipping it away while looking at me. “I could, but I won’t!” is exactly what he was saying.

He started to get tired and tried disobey in a lot of other ways, too, because he wanted to walk away from me. In the yard he would have. But we weren’t in the yard – because I am wise to his asshole ways. We were in the foyer. And every time he turned his body away from me he got turned right around again. So that he finally consented to shake. At last.

The last stand off like this I had was with Loki, who is #bordercollie and #terrier. I still remember those eyebrows going and his face saying he understood us loud and clear… but at the time he, too, did not want to obey on ANYTHING including not pooping in the house. But for Loki we had a cow hoof – a nice rotten ripe cow hoof. You should have seen that moment when he literally looked from paw to hoof, back to paw, then to hoof as he calculated which was more important to him: the hoof or not obeying.

The hoof won.

For Shybear I didn’t have a cow hoof. I had to be stubborn instead. More stubborn than him. Which can be done: he’s more sneaky and a bastard than he his stubborn.

So here’s the hilarious part, at least to me.

The third dog is part #husky. And he’s just as jealous as a husky, too.

The third dog hasn’t been taught to shake at all. When I have a dog moment, training tends to go to Shybear because he’s a real problem and it’s get him in line or get rid of him. So there’s Hoshi standing at the glass door on the deck, watching the entire fiasco.

When Shybear obeyed, he chose to go into his kennel. He loves sleeping in his kennel.

I let in Loki who was over-exuberant to show me he not only remembered how to shake but all of the other commands Shybear tried not to do. Then he too went to bed.

Finally in came Hoshi, who was moving faster and more excited than his fat fat FAT ass should be able to do he was so desperate to show me that he, too, could be a good boy.

He had figured out how to shake simply by watching us. He got it right the first time. Well, dogs learn by watching each other so that much wasn’t a big surprise. A pleasure, yes! But not a big surprise.

The surprise. He’d been STUDYING us. I was switching paws with Shybear back and forth. I don’t want Shybear thinking to use one paw only. Hoshi noticed. Hoshi switched paws left to right with each shake.

Hoshi is a damn smart boy. Be glad he doesn’t have thumbs. #evilgenius