Archive for January, 2016

Computer maintenance – that important and semi-annual thing that keeps me and my small business going. I’ve been working on getting the computer back into shape for a couple of weeks now, being as I had another outage. I’m getting good at catching these things ahead of time, though, and am trying to take to stocking up parts for emergencies. Right now I’m using a main hard drive that has some questionable spots on it, but every time I start over I lose things so I’m hanging in there as long as I can. And it’s one thing at a time.

When I go through this process, I tend to make 3D artwork for artwork’s sake. So here I am to show off the latest piece:


Star Taur by spearcarrier on DeviantArt

I’m rendering another one as I type, because the objects I used needed tweaking. This last piece above had a better reaction than most of my things, which makes me glad. And I like making centaurs. I’d say that I’m going to do a series of them, but everytime I make plans like that something happens. So. I like making centaurs. I’m rendering a second one as I work on the 3D parts it takes. And. Neigh.

I don’t want to turn this blog into strictly an art blog because… no. But people have requested my prints. So I’m going to add a feature here for people to have the option. When I do a cover reveal (a practice I hope to begin soon with the next up and coming book we’re working on producing), if the artwork is open I can do that then. Same goes for other things I’ve made. In this way perhaps I can garner some more funds to support the visual novel project and The Heavenly Bride among other things.

To buy this print in poster form for $25:

I had a death in the family 2 days ago. It was my father’s sister.

I know because there was a condolence post that happened to scroll on my feed.  And that’s it. No one contacted me to tell me if there would be a funeral, gave me the option to go, anything. There I sat, in the dark like a mushroom.

I could have asked, but the fact that no one told me rather discouraged me from reaching out. It’s not the first time something like this has happened. When my grandmother was in the hospital dying, no one told me. I found out the hard way, by coming to her house to visit her. When my grandfather was dying, I was told not to write him or call because that would only upset him. I’m always going to upset someone, it seems, just by breathing.

I was on Facebook largely because that’s how I was keeping in touch with my family, which since then I’ve had a falling out with and want nothing to do with. After 40 something years I finally hit this level of ‘fed up’. It takes a lot to get me this sort of angry, and I will often go to great lengths not to allow my feelings to go this far because once I’ve stopped talking I don’t go back. I can’t go back. It wouldn’t be sincere. And this latest incident encapsulates why I’ve had a falling out quite nicely I think.

2 days later I’m wide awake after midnight after almost falling asleep because I’m cold, even though the heat is running and the thermostat says 70 degrees. I’ve sequestered myself here, in my office, with my thoughts. And a running heater.

I’m not sad over my aunt’s passing, as people would expect me to be. I’d only met her a couple of times, and my only real memory of her comes from when I was just getting to be a teenager. My father asked her to take me with her to live with her. She refused. That’s my memory of her.

I am angry, though. That I can’t even get told when someone dies. Or even when someone is related, to be honest. I’m angry because I’d predicted something like this would happen to a friend just a few months ago. That I know my family situation so very damn well, I pegged it right on the nose. Right on the kisser.

My anger is selfishness in the face of how my aunt’s children must feel, so I haven’t said anything. Until tonight, here.

And now I’m done.

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