The past 24 hours have been ones of slight disappointment. Traditionally, December is one of major disappointments. We’re talking nonstop ache and bad luck. The stuff of legend. But this year seems to be on the light side, and I suspect it’s because I have finally gotten a little bit better at telling bad juju people to get the fuck out of my life. There was that long-time “friend” I dumped a few months back. There was a piss-poor business associate I dumped 2 days ago. And just yesterday I quietly unfriended another so-called friend who also happened to be a source of much drahma several years ago.

And it’s funny, but your life feels scrubbed clean and chrome shiny when you do things like that. As if… you’re telling destiny to suck your thumb or something.

The IRS problems we’re having are a big disappointment, but again. It’s not as bad as usual. (At least, not yet.) On the other hand, it looks for all intents and purposes that I didn’t get into OMGcon this coming year. I also don’t seem to have gotten on the waiting list, either. Which slightly hurts my feelings, but I review what happened last year and maybe they just think I’m a risk. After all I was at this con, abandoned by my sick husband and the piss-poor business partner, to run a table by myself. I quickly became exhausted (and cranky). Through it all I was worried my husband had cancer (at the time), but somehow managed to keep my grace when one of the other vendors made it a point to strike up conversations with the girl at the table next to me and pretend I wasn’t standing there as part of the original conversation. (No, really. I went back to my table wondering if her brain only had 1 gig of RAM – my exact thought. Did she only have 1 gig of RAM… or less?) So that by the time the usual sour table hopper came by, I was too tired not to at least grumble about his attitude. And I had to (gasp) leave my table alone to go to the bathroom or get a drink because I had no one with me. I can dig it. Even if my art was the best in the world, and despite the fact that people from the first OMGcons remembered me and were thrilled to see me (and asked what I was going to have next year), there’s this thing. And in this day and age, it’s a crime to be human. (Note: not blaming OMGcon at all. I’m theorizing on the social political environment.)

So no OMGcon. Fine. Eh. Whatever. I’ll try to find another. I am indeed booked for a convention in Peoria in January and Evillecon in the spring. They both look like they’re going to be a blast, so my feelings aren’t that hurt. I need to put up a coming appearances widget somewhere around here, don’t I.

Nah. My feelings are hurt because a week or so ago I wrote a letter to a certain voice actor I’d met who is doing a Star Trek revival show. It’s all the rage right now, to do these Star Trek Original Series revival shows. There’s more than one. At the time he’d asked me for my opinion as his pilot had come out. But when I saw the pilot, I couldn’t bear to hurt his feelings so I never said what I thought.

But upon revisiting his show recently I realized he’d come a long way, and the show is really shaping up. I wanted to contact him anyway, because it occurred to me he’d like to know about certain Star Trek songs by one awesome folk singer, Leslie Fish. So I sat down, and after about 2 hours I had written this long-winded letter explaining why he hadn’t heard from me in all this time. It was a bit poetic, I know.. and took a long time to get to my point. Sometimes I just talk like that.

To be fair, when I write a long-winded, part of my time is spent editing and condensing. I do try to not talk to much.

So here is the letter… and yes, I have my reasons to put it here:

****

You won’t remember me, so don’t try. But in case you want to try, you met me at a small convention in Louisiana in which a heckler tried to start a fight with you regarding homosexuality and I gave you a silly Star Trek comic to cheer you up. I also bought your CD, told you I really liked (insert song) the best, and you asked me to tell you what I thought about your (Insert Star Trekkie name) webshow.

I have to be brutally honest. You haven’t heard my opinion on the show because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. But as I’m contacting you now, I will keep my word and tell you what I think. Please just hear me out to the end of the email before banging your head on the piano and screaming, “Hopeless hopeless”. That’s all I ask.

First of all, when it comes to me you’ve got a tough crowd. I’m not a Trekki. I don’t know the ins and outs of Star Trek science, nor do I have every Vulcan philosopher memorized by heart. However, Bones was my first crush. I don’t feel that Shatner was overacting because I know he was a Shakespearean actor before getting his role as Kirk. The Romulans make me giggle in anticipation and I will always appreciate the day when Vulcans were Vulcans and crystals were crystals.  So when I sat down to watch your pilot, I wasn’t dubious so much as… me. And you were trying to fill some very big shoes.

So we watched the pilot. These are the things I appreciated: you did a very good job of imitating the old layout. I was so happy to see the god be given a further story, to go farther on… that old episode always made me sad. You took my sadness away. Awesome.

Then came all the parts that made me lose my suspension of belief. For example, having Scotty invent the holodeck. (This bothered me so much I actually paused the show to research who really invented the thing.) Spock wasn’t Spock, you weren’t… brutish enough. Well, brutish is too strong a word. You weren’t… earthy I guess. Kirk is earthy. And most of all, Bones wasn’t Bones nor did he even try to act like Bones. So I couldn’t bear to tell you, and I couldn’t bear to watch to watch the second episode when it came out.

That being said – life is a funny thing. The other day the subject of your show came up to a friend, and I decided to try episode two. Immediately I could see where you’d made improvements in your performance. The layout was great. The story had a wonderful ending. I decided, hrm. I’ll see about episode three. And, this is important,  I was sucked in.

You don’t know what a compliment that is because you don’t know me, so I’ll tell you. I don’t get sucked into anything unless it’s fan-subbed anime, and even then the chance is 1 in a million. I’m busy and I’m picky.

Well, okay. There is one thing about episode 3 I need to point out. All of the negative Kirks had black eyeliner around their eyes to emphasize their madness *evil* make them look a bit more manic. You forgot the eyeliner.

By episode 4 I can say you guys have done a decent job of adopting some of the original actor’s mannerisms, although there’s been a time or two it’s felt a little forced. Not being a professional actress this is only input from an outside set of eyes.  I do like that you guys are making these roles your own at the same time. It’s been interesting to watch your evolution.

So. You’ve been in the con circuit but I wasn’t sure if you knew about a very special Star Trek thing. It’s an older thing, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you did know. It’s an album of Star Trek songs by Leslie Fish (and in some cases friends). I’ve been talking to her about using some of her music to make a couple of music videos, and that’s when I remembered your show. (And that’s how all this came about.)

Yes, I could use TOS. But. There’s your stuff, and … I dunno. Why not? I can’t explain it. So I wonder if I can have your permission to marry Star Trek Continues with some of Leslie’s music. She said for me to suggest, ‘”Hope Eyrie” (which was actually used by the Apollo astronauts) and “Banned From Argo” (which is notorious)”. Everyone does Banned from Argo, and to be honest nothing you have in your 5 episodes quite suits.  Just FYI. So I am seeing your permission.

If you don’t want to answer, don’t worry. I’ll get the hint. But I hope you like my idea. Making music videos is just a hobby for me, but it’s a more fun hobby when people don’t chop my head off for appreciating their hard work.

Oh, and some final notes.

  1. (Insert name here) is a brilliant actress. I’m jealous of her talent.
  2. You could TOTALLY do a spin off of alternate Star Trek Universe, which *always* has been my favorite bit of Star Trek next to the one where the healing girl tried to sacrifice herself to save MacCoy. That part impressed me so much there are all these subconscious elements of it in my comic, Akashik. If you do a spin off, Imma die.
  3. If you ever have a role coming up with some of Gainan’s people, omigosh I’m so there with bells on to audition. Hahahahaha. Okay, I half jest. I know that heavy set women over 27 are no longer acceptable on the screen. Even Drop Dead Diva’s promotion posters were Photoshopped to make her look thinner. And you’re probably in California or another galaxy, too far away. So just keep up the good work.

Thank you for your time

****

He took the time to respond tonight, to my surprise. I wasn’t expecting it. I had forgotten about it actually. Here is his response. (Spelling errors kept intact.)

***

I apppreciate your feedback on our show. You are certainly entitled to your opinion. Let me just say this….

Scotty did not “invent” the holodeck. He was testing an experimental verion of it.

You have 79 episodes and several movies that have formed your opinion of Captain Kirk. You have just a few episodes of me in that role. I’m not offended that you dont think I’m doing a good job with that role, because I hear from manoy other people who do. Ya cant please everyone, right?   🙂

I think if you continue to watch the episodes you’ll come to enjoy them more. Or at least, I hope so!

Thanks again! I’ll hope to see you at another convention soon!

****

I’m a grown woman reaching middle age. And this hurt my feelings. He didn’t even read my effort. He barely looked. He had no idea how much I tried to compliment him. He got to about paragraph 3 or 5 and stopped. I should have expected it because there were some things about his character I noticed in my Sherlock Homes kind of way when I’d met him, but… it didn’t mean  he was a bad person. I was caught by surprise.

I’m going to be hurt for a little over this. But I’ve already decided on a positive reaction to this.

Well, the first thing I did was sent him a quick reply that said, “I don’t think you read my entire letter. Or perhaps I wasn’t clear. I do tend to ramble. I said you guys were making your own role and doing a good job. I illustrated the problems I had with the show when it began to let you know how well you were doing now. So please don’t be insulted at my inability to be clear. I have been watching, and episode 4 made me cry. I thought I’d mentioned that. Oh well. Keep up the good work. ”

And now to step 2 of wiping away this self-absorbed reply on the part of someone who probably could have benefited from what I was offering…

Have you decided your New Year’s resolution yet?

I hereby resolve to try to take better care with what I’m reading. I already do, but… I’m going to triple my efforts. So that I don’t accidentally hurt someone’s feelings as mine have just been done.

I invite people to share me their New Year resolutions. It’s not too early to do so.

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